BEGIN HERE HOW TO USE YOUR MARRIAGE FITNESS PROGRAM (and wha ) Download PDF. Share. Related Publications. View. BOOK. MARRIAGE FITNESS Mort Fertel Don't judge or compare. In yo. Download PDF . Marriage Fitness takes discipline just like physical fitness. Marriage / Relationship Wisdom. 2. There are many people writing books, giving seminars, and providing counseling about marriage and relationships.
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Marriage Fitness book. Read 26 reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Marriage Fitness is a revolutionary step-by-step system for creati. In this Slideshare, we explore common dilemmas which are faced by married couples today. If your marriage has been going through tough. Marriage Fitness is a marriage improvement program founded in by Mort Fertel. "Love is not a matter of chance" (PDF). Chicago Bride Magazine.
Though this book may have some valid tips for rekindling a marriage, I found it incredibly repetative and a little rediculous. I didn't find it very well written and I definitely felt it was a brag book for the author. Aug 19, Jennifer rated it really liked it. Practical stuff that can really make a difference.
But why did he choose to put himself on the cover? Mar 04, Kirsti Call rated it really liked it. When I was working as a marriage therapist I read lots of books on this topic. This book, although somewhat simplistic and sappy at times, is an incredible resource for practical things you can do to improve your marraige.
Every couple should read this and begin the 14 week marraige fitness program. It can only increase your happiness. Sep 14, Carisa Crosbie rated it it was amazing. Whether they already have a great marriage and want to make it even better, or are struggling in their marriage but want to make it work. Feb 24, Laura rated it really liked it. Todd and I have decided to read this book together. It is about making your spouse your soul mate instead of just being compatable.
Very intersting concept in this book. May 15, A rated it really liked it. Among my top 4 favorite resources for marriage and marriage counseling! Oct 22, Rachel Roberts rated it it was amazing.
This book helped me see my part in my relationship with my spouse in a whole new light. Very inspirational. I suggest reading it with your spouse. Nov 05, Helen rated it it was amazing. This is the most incredible marriage book I've ever read. It really gets at the heart of creating a wonderful relationship. I'll be reading it over and over.
May 09, Jessica rated it it was amazing. This is an amazing book on marriage! View 1 comment. Jul 28, Christen rated it it was ok. I read this book for a discussion group. I suppose that these techniques would be good for a couple with older children who have family near them.
Plus who have a good bit of extra income. Also, I think his advice might work better for extroverts than introverts. I think my husband used to call me a few times a day when we were first married, and I I read this book for a discussion group.
I think my husband used to call me a few times a day when we were first married, and I told him to stop bothering me so that I could get things done. I don't follow the author's advice to always stop what I'm doing when my husband calls, and he prefers it that way. With respct to the author's idea that we should only consult our spouse and not others, it may be appropriate for a spouse to seek input and advice on business stuff generally, but not when your spouse is doing confidential technical stuff or technical stuff the other spouse is not educated in.
So it just doesn't make sense in many contexts. All that being said, there is some advice that merits approval as a general matter. Don't dress or act in ways to attract people to compete with your spouse in an intimate way. But I think those are self-evident. Thankfully, this book super short, so it won't take you long to get through this dreck.
View 2 comments. Oct 03, Douglas Lord rated it it was amazing. Marriage coach Fertel skillfully inverts the usual solve-the-problem approach and instead asserts that deep, euphoric love will like magic make problems go away. Instead of finding the right person, Fertel writes that we should build a lasting love with the person we found. Marriage is being there for your spouse in thousands of small ways; some surprisingly sound methods, e.
Readers will practically hear Coach Fertel shouting clear, consistent instructions. An excellent choice. Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes , the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal. Jun 17, Weavre rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: Anyone in a relationship.
Recommended to Weavre by: Various reviewers when I looked for something like this.
Linda unloaded years of heartbreak. Her silent misery erupted into a long angry monologue. Millard listened. They ref lected on the rise of his business and the fall of their marriage. Millard shared with Linda the disappoint- ment he felt in himself—devastated that he had failed her. Then Millard made a life changing decision. He chose to put love first. Millard sold everything and gave away most of his money he founded Habitat for Humanity.
He cleansed his life of anything that prevented him from focusing on his marriage. He moved his family into a modest home, where he and Linda began to rebuild their marriage. Millard Fuller gave up everything for his wife and his marriage. He decided that their love would be the most important thing in the world to him because he realized that it is the most important thing in the world. Millard achieved great success, but without love in his life, he was bankrupt—and he knew it.
Since love conquers all—since it is the dominant force—it determines the experience of your life. Therefore, love should come first. It should be your top priority. Your love life can transform how you experience every other aspect of your life. But no other aspect of your life—no matter how good it is—can compensate for lack of love in your marriage.
An ancient tradition teaches that two people in love can sleep on the edge of a razor blade. But if there is not love between them, no bed will be big enough.
Love is the answer. When you have love in your life, nothing else matters. Put love first in your life. Make it your top priority. How important is your marriage in your life? Does your spouse have your heart or is it invested elsewhere? Is your marriage your top priority or do you sometimes give something else the right of way? In other words—step one is to put love first. Just as Millard Fuller became attached to his business when it was his priority, he connected with his wife when she became his priority.
Whatever is important to you is what connects with you.
In The point of the Millard Fuller story is not how much Millard was willing to change, but how much he was willing to change his focus. Your priority is the crucial factor. He simply had to change his priorities. What liberating news! Some people are scared to try to improve their marriage because they think it means that they will have to make dramatic changes in their life.
You can change something about yourself in order to get along better with your spouse. But the fact that you get along better does not mean that you will experience true love.
Changing can help you get along better. Changing your pri- ority—that will connect your cores and transform your life. The question is not whether you are willing to change. Changing your priority can change everything. Instead, decide now that your spouse is the highest priority in your life and begin immediately to behave in ways that ref lect that priority. Consider the opposite sce- nario. Do you have any weekly activities to which you are committed?
A card game? A tennis match? A music lesson? Bowling night? An exercise class? A board meeting? A TV show? Religious services?
A study group? But let me ask you this—do you have scheduled time with your spouse each week? Do you have committed time set aside for each other? What does your lifestyle say about what you value most? How do you choose to spend your time and energy?
If you told your spouse that you would be home by a certain time, is your commitment to your spouse most important? Or is it more important to make one more phone call, write one more email, play one more round, run one more lap, finish your meal, or spend a few more minutes with your friend? Countless opportunities present themselves every day to proclaim your priority. Review your typical day, week, month, and year.
Consider how you can increase the importance that A good assessment helps you focus on the areas that need the most attention and allows you to track your overall progress. Marriage Fitness is no different. The following assessment measures the degree of importance you give to your marriage.
Take the test periodically after you begin your Marriage Fitness pro- gram to monitor your progress. True False 1. When my spouse phones, I almost always make time to talk. I speak to my spouse about non-logistical matters at least twice per day. When something significant happens in my life, I almost always share it with my spouse first. I initiate positive loving physical contact with my spouse at least twice each day.
When we go to a social function, I almost always spend at least half my time talking with my spouse. When my spouse walks into the house, I almost always interrupt whatever I am doing to greet my spouse. When I walk into the house, the first thing I usually do is greet my spouse. I spend more time interacting with my spouse than I do watching TV. I spend more time interacting with my spouse than anyone else in my life. I usually interrupt whatever I am doing if my spouse wants my attention.
When I need someone to talk to, I almost always talk to my spouse. My spouse and I go out alone together at least once per week. My spouse and I go on vacation alone together at least once per year. I have photographs of my spouse in my office, wallet, or gym locker. I have at least one personal and meaningful discussion with my spouse per week for a minimum of twenty-five minutes.
I do unnecessary thoughtful things for my spouse regularly. You need to work hard to increase the importance you give to your spouse and your marriage. The above questions may indicate some areas you should concentrate on.
Your marriage is the most important thing in your life. It should be great! Try to put love first more often. You seem to have your priorities straight.
What else could you do to give your marriage even higher priority? Ask your spouse for suggestions and try to implement them into your lifestyle.
When you ask your assistant to hold all calls, does she know to make an exception for your spouse? Would you take the call if your boss was on the phone, no matter what? If you want to be healthy, you have to make exercise and diet a priority in your life. You have to be conscious of your caloric intake and think about the types of foods you eat.
You have to plan an exercise routine and commit time to it. In short, you have to make your health a priority in your life. It takes time, thought, energy, and commitment. The same applies to your marriage. If you want to succeed in love, it has to be a priority in your life.
And since love is where success matters most, your marriage should be your top priority. Giving and Getting Attention To put love first requires time and focus. There are no short- cuts. There is no microwave version. You have to do it the old-fashioned way. You have to pay attention. I sometimes take my son camping.
It intensifies our relationship. One of the benefits of camping is that there are no distractions. But you can learn to focus more on your spouse and you can learn to prioritize better. You probably have the best opportunity to connect with your spouse in the evenings and on weekends. What Do you and your spouse tune into the TV or pay attention to each other? Do you make your spouse wait or does your spouse get your immediate attention?
Most couples spend more time facing the TV than they spend facing each other. Turn the TV off! Face each other. Put the magazine down. Get off the phone with your friend. Talk to your spouse. Log off the web and connect with each other. Pay attention to what is most important.
Prioritize your marriage above everything else. Being a good spouse is not about any one Herculean event. Marriage is about being there for your spouse thousands of times, day in and day out, for years. Good spouses do small things in great ways. They have a successful career, active kids, a rigorous exercise routine, an updated wardrobe, a full social life, and important positions in the community. But some- thing has to give. A person only has so much time and energy.
The blanket of life is only so big. Maybe the most important thing, their marriage, is not Maybe all the external activity in their life is attempting to compensate for a lack of internal completion. Maybe they have everything except the most important thing—love. Two wage-earner couples face an extra challenge. In the not-so-distant past, at least one spouse was available when the other finished work. But when both spouses in a marriage work, the marriage has to wait until both spouses are available.
The problem is compounded by the fact that two wage earner families are forced to devote a lot of their non- working time to errands, food shopping, and childcare. By the end of the day, what time and energy is left for the marriage? For two wage earner marriages, to put love first is even more important and requires even more focus and dis- cipline.
What do you do on the weekend? Do you spend more time with your extended family than with your spouse?
Do you socialize for hours with your friends and then have nothing to say to your spouse? Who do you talk to at the party and what does that say about your priority? Is your extended family interfering with your marriage?
Are you having intimate discussions with your sister that you should be having with your spouse? Talk with your spouse about how you can reorganize your days and weekends to ref lect a higher value for each other and your marriage. Some people get defensive about this topic because it threatens their lifestyle.
Some marriages exist as a matter of convenience and compatibility rather than unity and deep love. Some people are satisfied because they are in a marriage that allows them to do what they want. Some people are more concerned about preserving their autonomy than com- mitting to another person.
But this is not love. This is selfish. No matter how happy you might be with your If there were an emergency, you would drop every- thing to be with your spouse, right? But it is an emergency.
Drop every- thing. Be with your spouse. Put love first and take the first step to transforming your marriage and your life. How to be a Good Parent Our children are precious to us. They warrant a great deal of our time and energy. But our spouse should come first. Some parents make the mistake of devoting themselves so deeply to their children that they have no time or energy for their spouse. For the sake of your marriage, and for the sake of your chil- dren, put your spouse first.
Do you give all your time and energy to your children and have nothing left for your spouse? Does your parenting compromise your marriage? If this is the case, you need to change the way you parent so that your spouse has absolute and unchallenged top billing in your life.
Who is going to teach them how to achieve this in their life? You are! Your example is their teacher. And the first step to achieving a phenomenal marriage is to prioritize your spouse higher than anything in the world—including your children. Almost every evening my wife and I and our four chil- dren spend time together. The kids love this part of the day. But once a week, the babysitter arrives at 7: The kids sometimes cry, but we leave anyway.
They want to be with us every night, but they also want candy for dinner. Before my wife and I left for one of our private vaca- tions see romantic retreats below , our older son, who was six-years-old at the time, asked my wife why we were going away for three days without him.
He was feeling sad. He was going to miss us, but I think he under- stood. Were we being good parents? I believe that going away together for three days and that discussion my wife had with him prior to our departure had more impact on his development as a person particularly as a future husband than if we stayed home. There is no doubt you should be willing to make changes for the sake of your children. And some of those changes will affect your marriage.
But be careful that the changes you make do not change your priority. There is nothing better than for children to be raised in But if they witness you giving the highest priority to your spouse, you will give them the great- est gift of all—an example of how to succeed in love and marriage.
And through love they will find completion in life, peace, and ultimate fulfillment. Be a good parent—put your spouse first. How to Actualize Love Below are eight exercises to help you put love first.
These are not the eight exercises to put love first. To put love first is more difficult than eight exercises. You could implement each exer- cise religiously and still fail to achieve the objective. In order to succeed with put love first, you need a put love first state-of- mind in addition to implementing the exercises below. To cultivate a put love first state-of-mind, consider reviewing this chapter, listening to its audio versions, attend- ing seminars based on the material, learning it with your spouse, meditating on the idea, and talking about it with your friends and family.
On the other hand, you cannot rely exclusively on the right attitude. Correct thinking is not enough to create phe- nomenal love. You need a discipline to help you actualize your intentions. Marriage Fitness is like physical fitness. At this point in the chapter, you should be in a put love first state-of-mind. However, it helps, and when I return home to charge the phone, it reaches full power more quickly.
You and your spouse will connect deeply when you spend quality time together, which I will address below. Therefore, I suggest at least five talk charges per day so that you stay connected and keep the power f lowing between your cores.
A talk charge is any positive verbal interaction with your spouse that lasts a minimum of one minute. One minute is not a long time, but it must be positive, and you should have at least five talk charges per day.
There are so many talk charge possibilities. Have fun with them and be creative. Here are a few suggestions. Tell your spouse about your dream when you wake up. Share something cute from the cereal box during breakfast.
Phone mid-morning to share how your day is going. If you have children, let them leave the table after dinner so you and your spouse can talk charge before cleaning up. Before you go to bed, look into the sky together and talk about the mystery of the universe.
Or look at your children sleeping in their beds and talk about the miracle of life. There is nothing special about the above examples; however, there are two things worth noting about them.
First, the topics were not practical. Second, the examples I cited were spread out during the day. When my wife and I began to talk charge, our marriage changed. Instead of being out of touch for hours, we contin- ually connected. Instead of always talking about plans, the kids, money, dinner, shopping, and all the other logistical matters of life, we started to have fun and talk for the sake of being together.
I recommend at least five talk charges per day. If you find that you are always the one reaching out, or always the one receiving, discuss that with your spouse and develop a strat- egy for better balance. Does regular communication with your spouse feel like a burden? The talk charge exercise is designed to help you and your spouse adjust your priority. Talk charges give you and your spouse the opportunity everyday and throughout the entire day to put love first. And the higher you prioritize your spouse, the more you will connect with your spouse.
During the writing of this book, I wrote for twelve hours straight many days, stopping only to use the bathroom and to eat a banana. After a couple of hours I get into a zone where I become highly focused and extremely productive. That mental state is a special place for me. I try not to let anything inter- rupt it—except my wife.
I always answer the phone when she calls. And sometimes I stop in the middle of a paragraph to touch base with her. Is it disruptive? It is to my writing—but not to my marriage. And my marriage comes first. Super Talk Charge Exercise 1. Long into the night you conversed playfully, laughing, joking, and maybe even crying. These discussions created a bond between you—you fell in love.
There is an ancient tradition which teaches that words from the heart go into the heart. I would add—they join hearts. A super talk charge is a twenty-five minute dialogue with But every relationship has a cycle,and after a few years of marriage,this euphoric stage will end.
Andat that point you may find yourselfasking The answer to this question is not a simple one. Youmay very well recall the excitement of the initialstages of your marriage and dream of finding thathappiness again But heres the key: That hypothetical newrelationship will ultimately go through the samecycle as your current one!
Sure, the beginning of the relationship might beexhilarating, but after a few years, youll be in theexact same situation that you find yourself now. And youll once again find yourself asking This is why I believe that the appropriate answer tothis questions is: The key to succeeding in marriage is notfinding the right person.
Its learning to lovethe person you found. You cant "find" lasting love. You need to make it,day in and day out.
Learn to love the person you found, and yourmarriage will succeed. When One Spouse IsDepressedIf your spouse is depressed, you know how devastating itcan be for both of you individually, and for yourmarriage as a whole. You may be tempted to simplyblame all of your marital problems on the depression. When One Spouse IsDepressedBut before you do, it is important totake a step back and ask yourself a fewquestions: Are they gettingthe attention that they need?
The situation that you are faced with isdifficult. But please remember: The solution youre looking formay be a marital one, and not anindividual one. You just clipped your first slide!